After weeks of hibernation...today finally an outing!

The Hong Kong Film Festival!

Honestly, now i feel stupid that i did not want to go at first.

I've never really been a fan of Chinese movies. Once again, i do not like to raise the issue of ethnicity here, but being a Chinese, i am actually considered quite a traitor to the Chinese film industry. I think it has actually been more than 10 years since i last watch a Hong Kong film in the cinema. And honestly, i don't even bother watching any of them. Why?

Mainly for 2 reasons. First, i'm usually not attracted to the casts and even if i am, i don't have that urge to watch the movie because secondly, i just don't like the storyline of chinese films. I just find Hong Kong films fake and boring, maybe because i am influenced by my perception of TVB dramas.  

Besides, i love movies that i can relate to and even though i'm an Asian, I find it hard to relate to the characters in Hong Kong movies. I guess I am in some ways "westernized". 

I used to be a fan of Hong Kong TVB dramas, but as the years passed, TVB dramas aren't that attractive anymore. The plots are repetitive and predictive. Every drama is almost the same and i got tired of them. I got more interested in shows like "Desperate Housewives", "Ugly Betty", "Supernatural", "Heroes" to name a few.

Some of my favourite stars like Gallen Law, Chan Miew Ying has disappeared together with creative storylines. 

Therefore, i always equate Hong Kong films with TVB dramas, which i guess shouldn't be the case.

So back to today's film preview. I guess today opened my eyes to another side of the Hong Kong film's industry. I just never gave them a chance i guess. 

I told my best friend that I don't think I want to go since i was so lazy to even register. Sometimes, that's the beauty of having a good bestie around. They can convince you haha. She is right when she say, why not go check it out. We can definitely learn something. Lazy people like me really need motivators like this. And i didn't regret the decision to go even though today was a long tiring day for me.

"A Decade of Love" 

10 short films in 1 package.

Honestly, the title alone is meaningful. I believe more so for Hongkies. It's like a tribute and a show of love for their country, after more than a decade of freedom from the British colonization. All the movies revolved around a theme - LOVE. DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE.

Of the 10 movies, only a few caught my attention.

The first on was "Red Eggs on the Road". I'd say it is actually my favourite to watch.

The title of the movie alone is intriguing. The story is simple. It's about reliving old memories, making new ones, reminiscing old ones. 

It started with a taxi driver asking for the contact of his ex-teacher. He wanted to give his teacher 2 'red eggs'. Distributing 'red eggs' is a Chinese tradition to welcome a new born baby, in case you don't know. And if you know better than I do about the red eggs tradition, you can also update me haha. 

Anywayz, he helped a man from America locate his old friend who once lived in "Cross Street". I guess the "Cross" in the street name also symbolizes that place as the place where the lives of two people entwined. The taxi driver then also manage to find his old teacher and he sat there with his teacher reminiscing the school days. 

I guess that would be how I would feel 20 or 30 or 40 years down the road. I'd want to search for those happy moments again - fond moments i had with the people i loved and enjoyed spending time with. You meet different people everyday but there are only a handful of them that can leave a strong impression on you. There are only a few that can make your life seem worth living. Facing a world of challenges would wear you down and i guess that's why people are always trying to relive the happiest moments in their life.

It is amazing how this short short film can actually provoke these thoughts in me. The story is not complicated, in fact, it's like just a short clip, with a few lines, and yet, the message is in-depth and strong. It combines the themes of friendship, love and basically, life - the search in life to feel that love, that affection, that friendship and that moment that you once had again.

The title of the next film i forgot, but i only remember this quote "There is not enough space in this world for dreams".

Take a moment to ponder on the quote...

True, isn't it? Sometimes, all we need is just a dream to go through another day, because dreams are limitless. 

The setting of this story is a hospital. But it is filmed in a complex....with a wide space and some particians. The doors are fake, and most of the setting is like make believe. Sound effects are added to enhance the setting.

Funny as it may be to have such a weird setting but i think it correlates to the theme of "dream".

The story revolves around a mother who has a son who is in comma for 10 years. She is on the verge of giving her son up. She pleads to the doctor, telling him that she has no hopes left. No signs of her son ever gaining consciousness and she is disheartened. 

The doctor then told her a lie, telling her that there are still brain activities recorded by her son even under comma. This means that her son still has dreams. His outlook, why give up someone that still has dreams?

What the doctor is doing is, he is giving the mother something to dream on - a hope would be a better term to describe it. Sometimes we need dreams to move on or maybe a lie to live on. I believe that. In some ways, it might not be a healthy way to live...depending on how you see it, but maybe that is something we need sometimes.

If we don't 'lie' to ourselves that tomorrow will be a better day, how do we go through a rough day? If we don't tell ourselves that by working hard we'll make it on day, how do we find the strength and motivation to carry on? We'll never know the future, but all we  can have the dream of the future, and we can picture it anywhere we want. So why not make ourselves happy and beautify the dream? 

A dream could be interpreted as HOPE or a LIE. The doctor said he told her a lie. I choose to see it as a hope. A hope for something better, a faith that things would turn up the positively for everyone. I always dream. I'm an idealist. I always believe things would turn out optimisticly. Boy, many times i've been let down...but i kept believing. I don't know why.

The movie say "There is not enough space in this world for dreams."

I have 2 interpretations of this quote.

    You can always continue believing...there's no horizon, no boundaries. Maybe one day you'll            stop believing in something, but then you'll start believing in some other things. 

    A dream is as big as you imagine or picture it. There is no limit. So dream....reach for the stars.     BELIEVE IN THE WILDEST DREAMS!

And like David Cook sings in his song "Dream Big":

"Now if you don't dream big, what's the point of dreaming, and if you don't have faith, there's nothing worth believing, it takes one hope to make the stars worth living for, so reach out for something more."  

I guess this would be the perfect theme song for that short movie. 

Towards the end of this short film, it seems that the doctor's wife is also in a comma and he himself is hoping that his wife would one day be awake again. Well, in other words, i guess the film is trying to convey that everyone is living on a dream. And sometimes, we remind one other the dreams or the lies to push each other forward in life. Giving hope or lying to ur loved ones? The movie lets you decide.

This one I'd say is the MOST MEANINGFUL among the other entries.

"THE BID"

Probably the one i laughed at at the beginning of the movie because i find it ridiculous. But you know what, i ended tagging it as one of my favourite. haha...

It started of with a hot, supermodel looking actress, Ada, bidding for something online. Then we see her realizing her bid and successfully own her 2 sculptures entitled "The Desire Series" for like $50,000. My best friend's remarks whenshe saw that scene made that part hillarious....she said if she had bought that home, her mum would kill her with it. I couldn't agree more. I mean, $50,000 for 2 pieces of junk? It's like a few wood planks entangled in one haha....but then again, what do we know about art right? We only know how to eat.

Then in the next scene we see her sms-ing another girl, Mary  (also supermodel looking), talking about a guy, Alex. Alex dated both of them and even though at first both of them seems to want nothing to do with him, later, both of them were seen fighting over this guy.

We see that Alex then asked Ada out and Ada bragged to Mary. Therefore, during another auction, both of them battle for the 3rd sculpture in the Desire series collection.  

So the battle for Alex continues. Alex then told Ada he needs 3 million. I was half paying attention then but i know that the money will help him escape jail. So we see the girls then bid for Alex. There's no ending. We don't know if Ada made a higher offer than Mary.

What I see is a useless guy and two confused girls. That jerk is a real....*beep*. And those 2 girls, COME ON!! I MEAN...they are hot, gorgeous, beauty beyond recognition and rich some more. Why do they even have to go for that guy, who is not even that hot to start with? Okay, if we look beyond the physical attraction (ahem...as i always do hehe) he is not exactly the guy who is that charming. It is so obvious that he is using the girls for his own benefit. If i were them, i'd forget the minor grudge we have and combine forces to get back at that idiot. Then compete on other things if they want to. 

The ending however got me going...."I got it!" The 3 sculptures each represent a desire human has in life. Sadly, too fast and i didn't catch all of the three desires. I only saw wealth...i guess the guy was love. but i'm sure EGO is one of the desires too.

Basically i guess that whole movie just want to convey the fact that people go through means to chase certain desires in life. To some it might be crazy, (like me) but for others, it is something they do in life. I guess sometimes if there is no desires, there won't be goals in life. 

My three desires - happiness, happiness and happiness...if there's no happiness, how do you get on with life? What motivates you rite?

"Open Rice" - a direct translation of the chinese word "hoi fan" meaning...let's begin the feast, let's start eating or it could also mean making a living.

I like this one too. It sums up life as a whole. I agree with one of the audience in the cinema who pointed out that "Open Rice" is the summary of the whole 10 movies. She was asking that as a question but in my opinion, i think so. This film is the last in line. And it is about a family. How siblings deal with issues and how they complain about their parents.

In the end, their parents solved all their problems for them and taught them the important value of sticking together as a family. They have a point when they say: "When parents nag you, you find them annoying. When they do not care and ask less, you say they don't care about you. So what do you want actually?" Even i don't know. I guess, just ask the right questions haha...

In the end i guess this movie show that we have to be filial to our parents...that's important...a family that stick together can go through almost anything. 

Overall, there were all good ones but these are a few memorable ones that i remember. 

Update u guys soon k??

With love,

tammy the awesomist

p.s. VOTE FOR C. RICHARDSON TO PERFORM IN KL PLZZ

4th February 2009 

I guess this is where i truly belong. On my bed, with a pen in my hand, and with my beloved bolster wrapped around my arms, keeping me safe and warm.

This is the place where i feel accepted and i don't have to hide my feelings at all. My bolster knows me best, everything about me and i don't have to say a thing to it. It just knows. It knows my secrets, my feelings, my weaknesses and it accepts me for who i am. I've cried on it, wet it with my tears; i've laughed with it, through happy days and it was even there sometimes when i'm in fear. Every night i go to bed, there it is...to keep me company and making me happy. THe sight of it, the companionship, helps me get through many things.

I'm really sad now and i have it with me as i'm writing this.

This year started very negative for me. I know. It's the Chinese New Year and Iguess you'd expect me to be bragging about how great my new year celebration was with my family, since it's the first year all of us moved to KL and is actually celebrating the Chinese New Year in KL.

The truth is, no matter how hard i tried to act happy and keep moving on, i won't be because i've been really really really really really sad. Yes, i looked super-dooper happy during reunion dinners, house visits, etc. Well who would know how i really feel. I just feel that just because i have a smile on my face people take me and my feelings for granted.

I've been very moody inside for almost 2 weeks. I have issues with my mum, which i can never share with my parents or siblings because they wont get it. With my mum, it's like i'm never good enough. She's always comparing me with other people - her friend's daughter, my sister. I am the one who has to compliment myself, to enhance my self-confidence. Seriously, i'm sick of having to pull myself up because seriously, i don't feel i'm worth anything anymore, at least when i'm at home.  

if she keeps comparing me with others, i just feel like she doesn't like me for me. it's like she doesnt like me to be jolly, hyper and loud. She wants me to be mature. Honestly, our definition for 'maturity' is poles apart. I don't know. i think i'm matured in some ways. it's just tat i prefer to have fun and act 'younger' than my age. What, i just like to take things more lightly, laugh more, make silly and lame jokes (which she will never get) and sometimes make a fool of myself in front of my friends. So what? And she starts pressuring me because she feels tat my 'immaturity' is the reason that i'm still single while her friends' daughters were now all 'not-available' because, well, of their maturity.

Why do i not like to hang out at home sometimes? I might prefer hanging out with frenz instead. Well sadly, i just feel more accepted sometimes when i'm with them. At home, i feel like a useless nobody. Nobody respects my opinions anyway.

i can always suggest something but no one would trust my judgments. They sometimes would regrad it as stupid - especially my sis. My mum, well, she'll just have to get confirmation with someone else regarding the things i say. it's like she never trust or believe me. If so, why even bother asking me stuff in the first place? Seriously, i'll admit that most of the times, i just never feel like helping or giving my opinions whole-heartedly becuase i know, my sister's opinions is gonna be better anyway. What i say won't be any good anyway...And even when i've given my bestest, it's never good enough, maybe because i'm nvr ever good enough.

I might as well help with things which i'm more confident with and good at so that i dun hv to be crushed by negative comments that would ruin my day. I might as well help people who would appreciate me for who i am, like some of my close friends. 

I hate to sound ungrateful, because i know i have a great family and all, but sometimes, maybe i juz need a break. When i'm with them, i feel so so insecure. With my friends, we're all equal. We laugh together, we have fun....do crazy and silly stuff together. With my family, i look like an idiot - nobody. I'm so sick and tired of having to compete to be somebody. I can't be me. it's not good enough.

Like I lost my way - and i'm a screw-up. When i found the way out, I waste petrol etc. My sis lost her way - she's cool, calm and collected, she can solve and find a way out.  

I know i'm not perfect and i screw up many times in life. But i'll still be nice to screw up and not have people then classify you as useless. My friends, i mean a few close ones, i can just do stupid things and screw up in front of them. THey'll tell me off but still, it's like, i can still be trusted with things, and accepted for the things that i'm able to do and contribute. At least i feel a sense of belonging. Even though sometimes my friends also disregard the stuff i say, it's like i can still run to a few different other friends. 

At home, i can't feel that. My bro is close to my sis, they have their topics. Mum is with dad, vice versa. I'm in the middle. what am i? I'm just someone who stupidly smiles and laugh everyday trying to see things on the bright side. it helps me through some days but there are also days that i will break and fall. It really hurts and it's like, there's not even anyone that i can talk to. THat's when i feel that my friends are the ones that i can go to. At least there, i'm not left out and we have the same topic of interests. We would talk abt movies and music and our college life. At home, NOBODY CARES ABT WHAT I LIKE.

I'm always so stupid and tell them everything, but i'm just beginning to think, why must i even hv to be honest with them? THey might not be even interested in the things i have to say, but just interested in what they want to hear. 

It's been 2 weeks, i've this 'useless' feeling. On the surface, i'm fine but inside, i just don't know how to describe my feelings. I'm not blaming my family because for all i know, i could be the one at fault. I constantly think, what did i do wrong in my family? It just makes me feel even more wrong, pathetic and useless when thinking about this.

"You're tied together with a smile, but i'm becoming undone" - Taylor Swift 

~That is exactly how i feel~

When I need a place to hide, 

I go to a place with God by my side,

The only place where i feel loved,

High, high, high up above.

When i need a place to cry,

I look no further than up high,

I try to believe that He's everywhere,

And that He'll always be there.

But sometimes,

I can't help but feel so wrong,

How can i keep going on?

I guess that i should have known,

That it's hard to be strong,

Especially when you feel that you don't belong.

I wanna run to someone,

But it seems like there's no one,

It's tough to be here now,

I guess I can't give up somehow,

If only one could understand,

Come up to me and hold my hand,

Tell me that it's gonna be fine.

But who am I kidding right,

There won't be anyone like this is this world,

You have to fight for yourself, girl,

And try to be whoever you want to be...

~and just like any other day, i'm moving on and hoping for a better tomoro. Like "Chicken Little" says in "Chicken Little" - "Tomoro is a new day". And hopefully, a brighter one ~

Looking forward to seeing you guys....;P 

p/s: i'm not complaining...i thank God for my family and friends. but i juz need to express my sorrow and pain these few days. I guess, after all that i've said and done, i can still say tat i hv a great family.........they are great people.....