♥ BABYT'S WORLD OF CRAP ♥

Thursday, May 31, 2007

last night, i was attacked by some creatures - i believe to be known as ants on Earth...my whole body (well i am exaggerating, just my leg & my right eye) was attack and is now itching like hell...i woke up this morning with a swollen right eye, which is caused by my scratching non-stop last night...
anywayz..hmm...it's been a week right, since we found our new American Idol winner...of course i am not a Jordin Sparks fan...i stil hv no idea why she won, but hey, it's the Americans' choice i guess..Blake i think is so much more fun to watch and i love his style..
i dun get why America is so against me...last season i rooted for a talented singer with a big voice -katharine and they picked the so-called 'fun' entertainer - taylor (whom i stil dun think is entertaining to watch)...this season i rooted for a guy who is entertaining to watch and has something which is so different and unique from the other idols, and America decided that they now want someone with a nice voice...OH COME ON!!!
stil i believe tat blake has done a tremendous job...so did my guy, Chris Richardson (whom i love by the way)
also last night, i watched the Martha Stewart show, and gosh, there were 4 gorgeous lads on TV..Il Divo...well of course i like their singing...but yesterday, i suddenly realise how hot they are lol..
anywayz i hv no idea why i'm suddenly into opera and classical music like andrea bocelli & josh groban...and il divo of course
anywayz...here are some pictures of me and my friends during our trip in ipoh (my hometown)
enjoy and take care..

Love tammy

With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;

Sunday, May 27, 2007

I guess this is how i feel now..it's one of those days when ur low self-esteem gets the better of you...
i just feel so insecure, self-conscious and so unpretty..
i just wanna hide from the world at times like this..
sometmes, you're just sick of thinking on the bright side..tat things would work out u know...

this song describes it all:

ANGEL

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break tat would make it ok
There's always some reasons
To feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh..beautiful release
Memories seap from my veins
Let me be empty
Or weightless and maybe
You'll find some peace tonight....

So tired of the straight lines
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
Still keep on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escape one last ime
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Or this glorious sadness
Brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly way from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that u fear
You are pull from the wreckage
Of ur silent reverie
Your in the arms of the angel
May you find
Some comfort here...
(May i find it too)

~Tammy~

With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;

Monday, May 21, 2007

Another day in the office...well the good thing is, today is the last, but i totally expected nothing to do.
but then, i dunno who the approach for work, since the manager in charged of me has resigned, and she did not pass me to anyone...great! now everyone is busy and has stuff to do, but i hv nothing better to do than do this.
Well, i can't go to my aunt ...you know, since she's like the director of the company, i wouldn;'t want to bother her with these small matters (that i hv nothing to do)
anywayz, since i'm not getting paid a lot of money, i wondered why i work my butt off..i tot i was paid like RM1500 (which of course i dun deserve)...so then i tripled my efforts in the office, but now that i found out that they pay me on a daily basis, i was a little (little only) disappointed and i wonder why i put myself under the amount of stress i went through the last week...well i guess, whatever it is, i still hv to do my work correctly, since it's my aunt's and my image we're talking about here...so i guess, whatever the amount i get, i'll still work my a** off since i care so much about what people think about me..
well, the time now is 8.30a.m. and i hv NOTHING to do...i hv no idea what to think...should i be grateful or guilty..
and i hv to secretly blog...closing this window everytime someone pass...sigh...
anywayz let's talk about an article i read this morning (since i hv nothing to do)
the article was written by rafidah abdullah...well she was expressing her view on the latest MPs sexist remarks...and i couldn't agree more with what she had said...the excuse of such remarks is that "emotions cannot be controlled"...well, i guess to certain extent it can be...and it's wise that we learn to in certain situations...if everyone were to use this excuse...then i believe that all murder cases or rape or whatever crime can be excused, since emotions "cannot" be controlled...for example, i killed my dad because i was angry at him for not buying me a handphone...but then, i'm not wrong because I CAN'T CONTROL MY EMOTIONS at that time...
Rafidah also questions whether women are perceive as 'able to face insult with grace and intelligence' because they are the coller-headed sex. So her big question is, is women wrong when they get angry at laws that affect their lives? oh, but "when man gets angry in the midst of a discussion in an august House of Parliament" they are not ?
Til now, i guess, they are still double standards...
well i strongly believe in women rights, and i hate it when men discriminate women..
for example the other day when i was backing my car, these few men were screaming and shouting because they were afraid that i would knock the car parking next to me...well, yeah, maybe they are just signalling me or helping me...BUT GOSH!!, i saw that bloody car n i'm darn confident that i won't knock into it...so can u guys not look down on me!..jus because i'm a girl and has a 'P' doesn't make me a lousy driver...and not only me ok...seriously, ask urself...male drivers always make fun of female drivers...why?as if they are the best drivers in the world...if they are, tell me, why is it that most accidents involve male drivers?? just because they are daring and would continue driving even though the traffic lights are abt to turn red doesn't make them better drivers, it makes them foolish drivers...
and we, female drivers, get booed for being extra careful when driving...that doesn't make sense to me at all...
but then again, ok, i admit that in terms of physical strength, it's hard for girls to outbeat the guys,..yeah in some situations yes, especially when the guy is a bit 'pondan'...
but we female are also blessed with abilities that guys do not have...so, let's respect each other..
also isn't it weird that when babies are found dead in rubbish dumps (or watever creative places ppl can think of) the mother is to blame? so, what about the man who contributed the sperm? isn't he at fault? why does the mother has to dump the baby in the first place? because she cannot take care of the baby herself...and she has no support from her family or the man responsible...if the guy was responsible, he wouldn't have left his wife with the baby alone...he would find ways and means to take care of his family...dun get me wrong, i'm not saying that the mum is right for dumping the baby, but what i'm saying is that both parents should be charged! if you know that you are not capable of taking care of or afford a baby, (and u really really need to hv ahem...sex before marriage-not condoned by me) can u please at least wear protection or take pills or something...?? then you wouldn't carry the guilt of killing your seed of loins...and then, you won't be tagged as 'irresponsible' right?
and you know what's the worst of all, it's when they say that it's the women's fault that they are rape...bull crap! all these lame excuses are made by guys to help their own kind get out of punishment...just because a girl dresses 'hot' or sexy doesn't give you the green light to rape her...it's like saying, the rich should be robbed because they are rich...

but then, thank God we do hv some good men/guys left on the universe..not many, but still there are ...and they are either married or gay lol...only kidding...
after everything that's said, i guess women need men and men need women, so we balance up each other...

anyway i can't wait for my friends to come to town..gosh, i dunno whether i can make their trip fun and worthwhile or not, i guess i'll try my best ..can't believe you can even have stress when planning holidays lol...who carez i guess, as long as we are together, we can make everything fun...(i hope)
today finally is my last day at work...yes, i've finished the workload for today (i blog in between my work)...and it's only 11.09a.m. and i hv to hang around til 6...argh! no way..i'll try to sneak off in the afternoon, when i finally find the guts to lol...
well let's see...time for some music reviews i guess..as u guys know or may not know, i'm in love with the song "Halo" by Bethany Joy from One Tree Hill...that song is really great...i mean, in some ways i can relate to it (though, yes, that indirectly make me so 'perasan')
tat song is about how people (or rather a particular guy) sees highly of you, that whenever you screw up, it's like forbidden... and then of course in love, if a guy worships you like this, i guess he might be a bit intimidated by you huh? well i haven't felt that before, cuz first of all, erm..no guys had actually fell for me yet...but in a way, i do hv the feeling tat some guys are intimidated by me...maybe i'm just too sensitive and vain, but yeah, sometimes i feel that way...though it's not like i want to love them or want them to love me, but then they talk to me, i hope that they would give me some eye contact...i mean, in communication, eye contact is so important, but i dunno whether they are shy or what, they just won't look me in the eye...now i guess the situation is better...i hope they are not intimidated...cuz when i'm intimidated by someone or feeling shy (especially with darn cute foreigners ;P ), i won't look at the person in the eye as well, but now i try my best to change that habit...
so that song actually talks abt this, like how she is in love with this guy and that she's not perfect so i guess she hopes this guy would forgive all her mistakes...
for me, i guess no one sees this (except my dad), i am actually pretty useless... just because my results in school or college are quite good (but now i'm not so sure anymore cuz i play too much), it doesn't make me perfect...in fact i feel i'm very immature and stupid in many ways..i hate bimbos, but somehow i feel, i'm a bit like them...sigh...and always, i cry so bad when i see myself that way....i speak before filtering through my brains sometimes....why am i like that? sigh...
anyway i guess i'll stop here now...
take care ppl ok?
love ya

~tammy~

With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;

Sunday, May 13, 2007

It's the 13th of May again n we are once again celebrating mothers...YAY!!
Mothers are the greatest people ever to set foot on the universe...it's true that a woman is the greatest when they actually become mothers..and by mothers, it doesnt mean the person who carries the child for 9 months..according to a well-known psychologist in m'sia, Dr. Paul, a mother is the person who mothers a child after he/she is born..so u become a mother after the child is born...
anywayz...i think mothers can sacrifice alot for the sake of their loved ones..like my mum, she gave up a lot to take care of us...and i really appreciate everything that she has done for me...yes, some say that she pampered us too much, but then again, without my mum, i wouldnt be who i am today.. i mean, yes, dad contributes definitely, but it's mummy i go for comfort n she is the one that i can truly talk and tell my stuff too...i mean, mum takes care of me emotionally...dad gives me advice on how to face problems but mum is always the person whom i feel better after confiding to...she has the power to relief my sorrow, with her words (when she's in a good mood of course lol)....and she has done so so much for me...i'm really hard to take care, i mean, me being so darn erm....clumsy, lazy and yea...kinda useless, but mum help me alot and taught me too...so yea she always scolds me for being so clumsy and lazy but then she is also very understanding, as in she will help me clean and pack when i'm busy...so she basically caters to my every needs, and i believe that not only her, but all mothers do that for their children and that's why mums are the best..
with fathers, well yea some dads are really very motherly lol...my dad is great DAD, very wise and i truly admire him..however, he lacks the emotional...erm, wat do u call that, emotional drive? as in, he thinks very very rationally n not so emotionally...it can be good at times but then sometimes, thinking or making decisions with ur HEART is also very important....but then again, i just feel so blessed to hv a set of parents who caters to me in 2 different ways - one emotionally n the other rationally...when i need to confide in someone regarding feelings i run to mum n i run to dad for serious matters...LOL cool
well i'd like to wish my mum a VERY HAPPY MOTHERS" DAY n also all the mothers out there who had done fantastic jobs...like i say, when i see the things mothers do, i'm like, can i do this someday? i mean, lol...it's not like i'm considering being a mum at this age, but then i jus wonder when i'm at that right age, can i do so much for my child? at this moment, i guess or feel that i'm still a little kid lol, and if u want me to take care of my own mini-me...lol ..it'd be kinda impossible...so wat i'm saying is ...NEVER EVER UNDERESTIMATE the things that a mother does!! that's why i'm a strong believer in girl power! (yeah though ...f*** i stil need help from guys at times...or ok....at various occasions...) But then it's true that women, though weaker physically, can excel in other ways....for example, they can't carry heavy stuff, so..they ask help from men (put it in another way - exerts control over men) ...here, women get things done their way without the need to use any energy lol...guys do the work n we enjoy ...women are brilliant lol...ok no offense to all the guys out there ya...yea we stil need u in this world...yea i still need jensen ackles to light up my day lol...
anywayz....yea let's talk a bit abt my new hottie jensen ackles from 'supernatural'..- love that show and hte actors...it's the only scary program which i actually watch every week...i'm not into ghost and spirit shows, but this one has got me hooked...lol...also becuz of the actors la..
but then i just love jensen's character, Dean..i mean, he's funny, and he has the 'bad' attitude but actually he's a nice guy and knows his stuff...i just admire him for that....

also i'm so into chris richardson from A1 season 6...darn hot man!
and i had a dream abt him the other day..Gosh i wished i could sleep forever lol..
well i mean, he's not like da best singer, but yes he has got a voice and a whole package...not jus cuz he's cute la...i mean i think he's unique in his own ways ...and i hate it when ppl compare him to justin timberlake cuz i so dig chris n not Justin lol...anywyz chris is out of the competition..i jus pray for the best for him in future (and i pray for myself also)

i hv loads to say, but limited time...my sis demands the comp in like 5 minutes lol...i'd love to share on how i screwed up at work...i actually entered a few data wrongly and now some calculations are so wrong...anywyz long story...now i'm like so stressed up abt what would happen....i jus hope tat things turn out right on monday..sigh..i'm more stressed up doin data entry than producing my ads n shows...ridiculous!!

well i guess i shall continue some other days...my friends are coming down next week btw YAY!!
and ive done a stupid test, (which i dunno whether or not to believe) which tells me that me n my crush can never be together lol...well i believe it actually...
true or not, it's just for fun lol...

well i'm out...
i love you ppl..
Love,
Tammy (",)
P/s: my new fave songs - Tu Amor, What Hurts the Most ...

With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Yes..finally i'm back...now i'm illegally using the company's laptop to blog...i'm too bored n i hv to go online...
well if u r lost n dun get what i mean, well let me update you on my whereabouts now...
the last time i wrote, i was struggling to make a decision whether to go to UTAR or continue my advance diploma in TARC...well the decision had been made and i'm off to TARC and then UK to get my 3-month degree...well i dunno, i seriously hope it's the right decision...i mean UTAR's campus is really not wat i call comfortable and i can't really imagine myself going there...yes, my friends are so going to get me when they see my ugly face in TARC..i mean, i was the one all this while promoting UTAR n suddenly, i "membelot"(betray) UTAR and end up in TARC lol...well let's just up they'll be lenient on me n welcome me back to college....
anywayz, as i was saying, i 'm now working at my aunt's company, ya as a data entry clerk..not my kinda job but well, since i hv 1 month off, might as well work and get some cash flowing in right? seriously, i know i should be grateful, but then i just feel that i dun really deserve the salary...i mean, i'm not like working for a whole month, only 18 days (in fact less if u deduct the weekends) and i work from home, so it's like i do get to laze around a bit ...well a lot if u ask me... cuz the internet connection at my aunt's house has gone hair wire, so it's like i get a very unstable internet connection, sometimes i can go on9, sometimes i can't..so it's like when i can't go online, i can't work...and i feel so so so guilty and bad when that happens...i dun wanna get paid for doing nothing ...
well at my aunt's place, i hv freedom n get to eat as much as i want as well...so basically this place is already like heaven...n then some more i work not as much as the ppl in the office...well i dunno whether i should feel blessed or guilty...i mean, of course when i get a chance to go online, i work darn seriously...but then for the past 2 days, i really dun hv a chance to seriously enter all the data that i need to enter...and gosh today i found out that the dateline is the 10th..maybe someone should let me know that fact earlier...(or maybe i should hv asked?...i hv no idea)
well ya...so it's really unnecessarily stressful..but i guess that's working life...you take stress ...but then again seriously, working in the office is so not for me...u sud see how i fall asleep today at the office..i kept going to the little girls' room to keep myself 'alive'...even the receptionist notice that i keep goin to the toilet...oh come on, give me a break, i was so sleepy tat i can't even work..so of course i go to freshen up myself...i wanted to take a short nap but then thought, better not...
anywayz...after this working period, it's time to have fun again...my pals are coming down to ipoh!! yay..we're gonna have fun! well hopefully they hv fun...
oh i just missed the times we've had a few weeks ago after exams..the karaoke session, the crab eating, chatting and just the hanging out together, it was a blast...
well of course there was also what i call a 'heart-to-heart' session in which private and confidential matters of each n everyone of us is brought up...for instance, who is dating who, and other craps la basically....well some confront each other with matters hidden inside all this while...as for me, there's nothing much that my friends can interrogate cuz i'm too open...i usually share stuff with them...i've got nothing to hide..well of course there's this recent crush i had, which i'm not sure whether it is or not...but yea, no one knows abt my recent 'crush' (if it is a crush)yet...it's just tat i'm confused myself...how do u define a crush...how do u even define love....gosh...i guess i jus dun hv time to actually analyze that cuz for me...it's like studies first ...so ya..i bet i can forget him fast, cuz i'm really not a one-guy kinda gal i guess lol...i mean, one time i'll be totally into this actor n then suddenly another one..u know, maybe that applies to guys in general as well...anywayz...if i keep dwelling on him, it would be really a waste of time ...besides he already has a girlfriend n MY PRINCIPLE is = stay away from guys with girlfriends...i dun wish to break my principle now or in future....i guess i'm not tat desperate yet...lol...maybe one day when i'm desperate ...u'll find me on those freaking stupid reality tv shows where ppl actually hope to find 'true LOVE'...i find that totally a piece of crap...as if u can in 30 days...*smacks the head*
sometimes, it takes more than a lifetime...lol...btw i just watched one of those reality tv shows on 8TV - Average Joe ..finally the girl actually picked an average joe, whom i think is darn cute in a way (why do i hv a thing for chubby guys? i hv no idea) anywayz..ya if i were her, i'll go for the average joe too...come on..but then again i guess it's kinda hard for her as well right...on one side you hv a muscular-built, good looking guy whom you love to hug (or in her case kiss) and on the other, you hv a sensitive guy who writes poems (aw....so sweet) and is not that bad looking ...jus a bit chubby ...well if i were her, i dun even need to think twice....i mean, of course i go for the average joe...well i dunno how it feels like to kiss a cute guy but then, i think i'm not that shallow tat i pick a guy just because he's a good kisser...besides, i guess when u kiss a person that you love, automatically you feel the magic right? n i love artistic, creative n funny ppl...especially a guy who can sing to me...awww...tat melts any gal's heart....
anywayzz back here....yea..i'm drifting to my fantasy world already....okies i guess i'll get back to work now..since the lines are working...i should grab hold of opportunities, instead of crapping here right??
take carezz people..
love love love you

dun miss me
~ ;) tammy the magnificent out~

With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;