Sunday, January 13, 2008
With exams pursuing my behind....i really really am finding it stressful. Let's see, statistics alone is enough to kill all the human beings in the world. I'm not bragging, but i used to be brilliant in Add maths (getting an A is usually not a prob, it's just the marks) but now, let's not even think abt As here, let's focus on not failing. Yeah, my teacher say stats is not Maths...it's interpretation of data...well really? LIAR!! It's pure add maths for god sake! I mean, it's worst than Maths. it's not simple baby calculations here, it's highly technical maths involving standard deviation, mean deviation and all the types of deviation that could drive a normal kid nuts. And to top tat off, just becuz we are communications students, we have to interpret the data. Yeah, how fun is that?! we hv to do extra, and it's worst than doing maths alone! the interpretation is just as hard, if not harder than doing that math. and my lecturer dares tell us that it's not maths! GREAT! I guess 3 years of "no maths" has caused this current pathetic condition of mine. YEAH! Who would have thought, a mass comm student doin math (stats) ? Sigh...
Anywayz,.. if u actually read my blogs, u'd notice the new design hahaha....thanks to my cousin ;) kit mun(tracy) who contributed or sacrificed her time to help me with the new breakthrough of the blogging world. I din know that u can actually make it so interesting....sorry i'm kinda outdated la....
i really feel old, i mean, this people are just 14 and they know all these cool internet stuff....i'm 20 n all i do is chat haha...talk abt creativity...
well there is really a lot to learn from this bunch of young people. AND..ONE IMPORTANT THING>>>> DUN PRINT OUT MY BLOG LA!!! I found out that my cousin actually printed out my blog...no offense but plz dun haha...
it's too personal n darn i din know that ppl actually read this...i treat it as a diary..some sort of diary but not as personal, but still....
imagine all my aunts reading abt this and my thoughts, haha especially my last posting....EMBARRASSING!!
anywayz if you are wondering why i'm here when i should be studyin...well i just need a break haha...
come on, one day of stats n corporate communication textbook can kill...
seriously, if we talk abt exams, this semester, i really really am going to die...i've never felt so worried abt exams be4, well let's not talk abt SPM la...
in diploma, i always or rather usually hv enuff time to prepare...when i stepped into advanced diploma, i m not sure it's the tight schedule or my laziness, but i just feel that i dun hv enuff time. it's like i'm trapped in this time constrained bubble. Not enough time for fun and work....hmmm...as we get older, i find that time moves faster....
ok so yea, monday is another exciting and nervy-fying day (root word - nervous; i create this word out of no where but it sounds great rite?) Monday - i'll be attending another interview with Tayangan Unggul, a production house. Yes since i screw up the interview with Bernama, well i will have to try my best to nail this one. WISH ME LUCK!! But yea i hv a friend who says tat luck are for losers....hmm.....agree with 1/2 of it...cuz i still need luck n i am not exactly a loser hehehe...
i was really down this past few weeks, loads has happened....but finally, someone saved me....TAYLOR SWIFT!!! She is my latest favourite country singer! Her songs just helped me got thru the things that had happened this past few weeks and now....i feel alive again...
now you guys really really should listen to her songs...my personal favourites?? - Teardrops on my guitar, our song!!, tim mcgraw & A Place in this world..
all are brilliant!!
Check her out ok....i think i'm so into country music. Suddenly, i like ppl like Sara Evans, Keith Urban, Rascal Flatts & now taylor swift..i think country music just lightens up people's day!
and also Colbie Callait is so pretty and talented.. Another of my favourite artist...
well blog some other time..
got to go back to the world of words a.k.a BBOOOKSSS & NNOTTTESS!! ARGH~!! save me
With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;
Thursday, January 10, 2008
9th January 2008
Instead of thinking that life sucks, i really tried to think positive at times. I mean, though yesterday was a quite a terrible day for me, i tried to focus on the beautiful stars that decorated the skies instead, i truly believe that things would get better for me, but it just dawn on me now that, maybe it would be worst.
The past few weeks had been the worst weeks of my life. I’ve never felt so down and alone in my entire life. Yes, i do have some close friends next to me, but still insecurity problems is haunting me and effecting me emotionally. I find that a lot of people don’t understand me, except my best friends. And sadly, not even my family really knows what’s behind this short, small-eyed, long haired girl. I have to deal with so much pressure and sometimes, my mum isn’t so supportive.
I mean, she’s a great mum most of the time, but she has never been supportive of me being a broadcast student. Personally, i feel that you excel in something you love and i really love what i am studying and doing now. Mum on the other hand just seem to think that there’s no future in broadcast. It’s like, she keep telling me, when we are on the topic of my studies tat advertising is the better option or marketing is better etc. Seriously, i like advertising and marketing too, and they are all part of broadcasting. In my course, we have to produce product advertisements, we do Public Service Announcements, we have to market our clients products...it’s all inter-related. Explaining to her is also a complete waste of time. Like today, she even say that i don’t fit in the course because i am not sociable enough. I can imagine that. I mean, first of all, you guys sort of controls my every movement and ban me from ‘socializing’. It’s like sometimes, i can’t even hang out at mamak stalls at nite around 8 or 9. I know it’s dangerous, but i have already consider the factors and make safety precautions. It’s not that i don’t appreciate her caring for my safety, but i do know how to judge for myself. I am too afraid of my own safety. That’s y i do too say no to late midnite mamak stall hanging out. (Though i did it once or twice.) I think parents just are overprotective sometimes. Maybe someday i’ll be like tat too, but now i really can’t stand it.
Besides, i wouldn’t say that i’m not a sociable person. I’m one of the most talkative girls in class (if that is considered sociable), ranked 3rd or 4th after my bestest buddies, and black-listed in my class rep’s “List-of-the-Most-talkative-people-in-class-tat-you-have-to-watch-out-for-when-annoucements-are-being-made”. It’s funny because everytime my class rep is making an announcement, i happened to be talking, but then that’s a completely different story. But then, i still think i don’t fit into the list because my best friend is the noisy one who dragged me into that stupid list. But we should be proud of our achievements la. And now, i think i’m also recognized as the most aggressive girl (or B****) in class who would argue (or in my own opinion, stand by) all the way to get my own point across. For me, i gradually changed into someone who wouldn’t give up my point until i have given my all in defending myself. Yes, i know that’s not good and people thinks that i just want to win all the time. IT IS NOT TRUE! I stand by my own point of views but that doesnt mean i’m not acceptant of other’s ideas. I just agree with Condolezza Rice that “There’s nothing wrong in holding an opinion, and holding it passionately”. I would go all the way to defend what i feel and thing because i don’t wanna regret not saying my views. Even with my lecturers, i am that way. I believe that some lecturers like that, but i sure hope that so far i have not get on their nerves yet. I mean, it’s not like i snap at people, i debate as diplomatically as possible. Haha. Though i debate my ideas, it doesnt mean that i’m against taht person rite? Some people don’t see that. My best friends know that and we work well together. Though sometimes when i go over the line, they will tell me. But other classmates, though we are friends, have that negative impression of me when it comes to this. I feel so misunderstood by others. I really don’t know whether or not i should change and become that timid little girl i used to be in high school.
In class, people only the smiling and happy mun yi, who’s naive and childish. Mun yi, who only studies. Mun Yi, who only does assignments. Mun yi – the goody-two-shoes. And mun yi, who talks a lot at times. (or mun yi the girl-who-wants to win!) If only people could see that mun yi is only an ordinary girl, who is sometimes lost and insecure. I don’t feel good about myself too. Like sometimes, you don’t feel accepted, you don’t feel pretty (though i always tell people that i am ;P)...the actual truth is, i do have my down times. I feel sad too but no one knows. But i still thank God that i still have a few best friends supporting me.
And it pressures me that when i have fun, my parents will be like monitoring my results. I mean, i know tat my results are important, but suddenly, when i think back, all my life has been about studies. My friends’ lives are full of colors and stuff and when people wanna ask abt me...everything would be abt studies. How did you get the results u get? How do u study? My other friends have so much more interesting and funnny stories like how they cheated in primary, how they sneak out, how they embarrassed themselves in front of their teachers...i’m not saying that cheating and skipping school is great, but to have these stories and experience behind you really makes your life more interesting, n not dull like mine. I just suddenly feel that, if today is my last day on Earth, i really don’t wanna spend it studying. I wanna spend it happily with my friends and family. If i study whenever i get a chance, then it would be like, my last day would be definitely spent with notes or thick text books. Of course during exam season, you cannot say that because i don’t wanna spend my last day regretting not getting good results either.
There’s the pressure to maintain my results this semester. I’ve played too much, chat too much and hang out too much and my parents noticed that too. Then there is also pressure to get a good company for industrial training, since my sis (who always look down on me) n mum n maybe dad(i don’t know) are looking down on me. My sis always thinks she is that great and superb. She said that i’m too selective of company. She knows nothing but talks so much when she don’t need to. When it’s necessary to use to talking ability, she never use it. I told my lecturer that i am not interested to join an animation company though i wanna produce children programs because i am not interested in animation for now (which is the truth) Besides, i know nuts abt graphic softwares and 3D animation.,.and personally i wanna experience what it’s like being in a production house first be4 venturing into something else. Is that being choosy? Well if you say so, then yes. I still stand by what i feel, for now. Oh n she say that i should reflect on the Bernama interview. Hello? Of course i did! I admit that i screw up the part when i dont know my fave newspaper, but then i did not regret telling the truth that i prefer to cover stories on celebrities and music because that is my passion. If she is so smart and good at reflecting past mistakes, maybe she should reflect on the time she knocked into a Saga tat day in Jusco when reversing, instead of blaming people for parking behind her. Cuz as far as i’m concerned, i managed to back the car after she bang into ppl’s car twice. I just did not want to embarrass her in front of my other cousins, but i do feel that she is partly responsible for the accident. Of course dun ask abt the saga, haha. It’s wrecked and we all fled. Sorry
Sometimes, staying with her is like staying with nobody. You ask her “How’s school today?” and you get air....NO REPLY! It’s like, i know it’s her right to keep quiet but i find that darn rude too. Now you know why i hv to hang out with my friends? I will die of boredom if i face her 24 hours.
I’ve never thought that i would actually face so many problems. Though at the end of the day, i try to treat them as challenges, i really don’t know how much longer i can go through this S***! Seriously, i am about to burst out someday...i dunno how. But i know, i won’t kill myself, that’s for sure. Besides, i hope things will turn out well now, since i’ve got an interview on Monday for a production house and Jason Lo’s company has received my resume. Anywayz...that’s all for now. I stil have to go hit the books.
Wish me luck for my exams & interview!!
~Love Tammy ...the not so great~
With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;
25 December 2007
Over the weekend, i Watched “National Treasure 2” & “Enchanted” with my cousins, “The Kingdom” with my family. I wanted to watch “I Am Legend” but since no one is willing to accompany me, =( i in the end watched National Treasure with the majority. Anywayz, those are unimportant info. I shall watch “I Am Legend” soon.
Luckily, “National Treasure 2” is worth the time and money paid. It’s a great movie. Full of adventures, clue solving and a pinch of humor. Thanks to the character “Riley” whom i find most entertaining. I actually pity Riley because he is a great guy but overshadowed by Ben (Nicholas Cage). Well, talk about unfair. Haha.Diane Kruger, who plays – forgot her name – doesn’t look so pretty in this movie... OK i know i’m in no position to judge since i look like a peacock’s backside myself, but really, i tot she’s stunningly beautiful before, but this movie just make her look normal. Nicole Kidman, on the other hand looks gorgeous in “The Golden Compass” though the same positive comments can’t be applied to the movie. Well, i mean, i wouldn’t say that it’s a bad movie, it’s just that you will have to read the book to fully enjoy “The Golden Compass”. It’s like Harry Potter, but less entertaining of course. If you don’t read the book, you won’t fully get the story, since the directors would have altered some parts of the story. I think, “The Golden Compass” is a bit difficult to understand when watching the first time. ALL MY FRIENDS and me don’t fully get the story by the end of the movie. We left our seats feeling clueless and lost. It’s like 2 hours of a whole lot of questions unresolved. In the end, i have no idea what Nicole Kidman is up to really. Is she good or evil? Yeah, i know she wants to separate the children with their Daemons (an animal, in which part of the human’s soul is in – don’t ask me why – it’s their world) because of ”Dust”...and by the way, i still have no idea what “Dust” is really. Of course it’s not the normal dust i have in my room, that’s for sure. To answer all these questions, we have to watch the 2nd movie and, seriously, will the 2nd movie lead to more questions? WAH! Then how in the world would i remember all those unresolved questions throughout a few years? Harry Potter is better in a way because its storyline is more captivating and they focus on one mystery in each sequel. So, though all the movies are linked, each individual movie makes sense at the end as well. And if you didn’t watch the first movie, you would understand the second one as well. “Golden Compass” on the other hand, tries maybe wants to use it’s “not-like-ending” ending to attract people to watch the next instalment, you know, like to make them wonder and crave for the answers and so they will watch the next movie. Well seriously, maybe it works for other people, but definitely not for me. But back to Harry Potter movies, i am not saying that they are perfect either. If you read the books, you’ll find the books disappointing too. Sigh. Especially the thrid movie, which is my favourite. And they ruin the movie by ALTERING almost 40% of the book. And it’s not thorough enough. Sigh. But then again, what can they do since there’s a time limit right. But the third movie (The Prisoner of Azkaban), can definitely be improved, even with the running time restrictions. The fourth Harry Potter movie (The Goblet of Fire),is better, b’cuz it’s a long book that one, and the director managed to stay true to most parts of the book, though i was sad that they didn’t show much of the Quiddich World Cup match and the front part was really short and not well explained. It’s clear that they don’t have enough time. Most of my friends who did not read the book have no idea what the front part is about. But thanks to me (hahah), hey i explained what i remember to them and that just lightens up their confused faces. And the latest one “Order of Phoenix” is also a sigh of relief since the director also was faithful to the real storyline. So, let’s just say, THE THIRD MOVIE SUCKS!! I mean, then i found out that the director do not read Harry Potter books. He just read it when he got the job. No wonder! He doesn’t know the essence of the story. Ok back to “The Golden Compass”. I shall give it another chance and watch the second movie – just to see whether my puzzles could be resolved. If it leads me to more confusion... i’m so not gonna watch the third one.
Anywayz, before we got in the Golden Compass...hehe, we were talking about “National Treasure 2”. One advice – WATCH IT! It’s funny and exciting and if you watch it in Ipoh, and if you are as short as me, you can buy kid’s ticket (yea, i bought a the ticket at the kid’s price, talk about brilliance and using your weakness (shortness) to generate benefits hehehe) and that means you only pay RM 5 for this wonderful 2 and ½ hour movie. Money well spent! Of course if you watch in KL then it would cost you RM 8 if you are a student and it would cost you NOTHING if you go out with your boyfriend (since he will be paying rite?? Muahaha) Before we deviate further to other stuff, yea, let’s just say i really admire the brains behind “The National Treasure 2” – i mean how in the world can someone think of such a storyline. How one clue leads to another, and how they link it with the real history. That is, to me, brilliant, or like Rupert Grint always say in Harry Potter – WICKED!!~ hehe
Moving on. Let’s talk about “Enchanted”. I was really excited to watch it when i saw its trailer months ago. It seems really different from those Disney cartoons we see when we were young. But after watching it, besides the very HOT and HANDSOMe and CHARMING James Marsden, i find nothing really special with this movie. Well, i should have known that i shouldn’t expect much from this fairy tales, i mean, fairy tales are suppose to be simple, rite? They are supposed to get us into this dreamy mood of how we can live happily ever after. I am an idealist but then, i stop believing in fairy tales. Well, i guess i’m too grown up to still think like that. Movies which are predictable, like “Enchanted” seems really boring. I mean, I KNOW that she’s gonna eat the apple, I KNOW she needs her true love’s kiss in order to wake up, I KNOW that the true love is not James Marsden who plays Prince Edward, but rather Patrick Dempsey (i have no idea whether the spelling is right). I KNOW there’s gonna be a happy ever after ending. So we know so many things, you might be wondering why do we still watch it? Of course this type of movies really helps release some stress and sometimes it’s quite fun to idealize a perfect fantasy-like world, though after 1 and ½ hours, reality sinks in again. And i also really like the song “True Love’s Kiss” haha. It’s lame i know but i just kinda love. It had been stuck on my brains for a few days.
Then there’s “The Kingdom”! I wanted to watch this movie so bad and finally i had a chance to watch it. The DVD i bought was nice, but there wasn’t any subtitles for the Iraqis. I don’t understand a word they are saying and since we don’t know what they are saying, we don;t understand the movie. Fortunately my sis watched it in the cinema and remembers waht they are saying. If not, the movie would be half meaningless. I guess i’m gonna watch it again, this time, from my friend’s downloaded version.
The best movie i’ve watched this past few weeks, would be “Hotel Rwanda”. Yes it’is not this year’s movie. I’ve just watched it last 2 weeks, for my assignment and I LOVE IT! I almost cried watching it, but because my friends were there, i hold back my tears. As we all know, Rwanda is known for the “Rwanda Genocide” which happened in 1994. Well this movie is basically about a real man, Paul (Rausbinga or something – sorry with all due respect but it’s a very complicated name sorry) who save around 2000 Africans from the Belgian hotel in which they seek refuge in. Paul is the manager of the hotel and he, is really noble as he, himself a Hutu has helped safe the Tutsis as well. I mean, in Rwanda, they are two ethnic groups – Hutu and Tutsis – and in the movie, the Hutus are trying to wipe out all the Tutsis, whom they call cockroaches. So basically, if you are a Tutsi, that’s the end for you. Of course, if you are a Hutu then don’t assume that you’ll be safe, because if you bump into a Tutsi, then that’s the END for you. Let’s just say that they kill each other. But the thing is, they are the same. They look the same, and we can’t even tell the difference. That’s why there were parts in the movie in which i was lost because i can’t differentiate who is killing who. Now the lead actor, Paul is a Hutu and his wife, a Tutsi. So we see how Paul tried to protect his family and his wife’s family and almost everyone in the hotel. I must say, i really really admire this man. He has contacts with powerful people in Belgian, and that’s basically what got him out of Rwanda at that time. When the UN gave up on Rwanda, (because obviously, there are no benefits in helping Rwanda) Paul called his superior in Belgian and he managed to get the UN to send troops to save the people in the hotel. Well this movie obviously criticize the UN and US of course on their selfishness. I really love that part where Joaquin Phoenix, who plays a journalist tells Paul, “...they’ll say Oh God, and then go finish their dinner..." That, i think perfectly describe the people of the world. It applies to us too, not just the Americans. I mean, when we watch TV or the news or read in the papers about these africans, what do we do? We just feel sorry for them and then we move on with life. We totally forget about them the next day. I personally am that way too. And now, i guess maybe, we should be thinking of what we can do to help them. Issues like ethnic cleansing is still happening, especially in Africa. And to know that they are children and people there going through hell just once again reminds me of how lucky i am. And everytime i see these people, i just feel like crying, though like i say, i didn’t cry in front of my friends haha. Anywayz, just watch this show, because it will definitely open up your eyes and heart to the situation in Rwanda. This movie, bare in mind, is based on a true story, so it makes the feeling so much more surreal when you know it has actually happened.
Another show, i think which also perfectly showcase the situation in Africa is “Blood Diamond”, but the setting for this movie is in Sierra Leone. When watching this movie, I CRIED LIKE HELL cuz i watched it alone. I totally pity the child who was separated with his family and has to become a child soldier, and learn how to kill. He is trained bythe enemy to fight his own father.
Well i guess that’s it for now. More soon ya!
Love tammy
With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;
17-12-2007
OK today I went for the Bernama interview. This is the first time going for an official interview and I am very nervous but I tried to be myself – smile a lot, crap a lot and I guess it didn’t work out for me. Haha. Though, ya, I was disappointed of course but then it wasn’t that hard for me to accept it. Maybe it’s because it is not the kind of company that I would want to work in – hard news and politics. Well maybe I did suck in the interview, though I think I answered all the questions well. I mean, they asked me a lot on my favourite music and artists, so I didn’t really get a chance to express a lot on serious business. But ya I mean, I guess I just came across to them as a girl who doesn’t really care about what’s happening and going on around me, like more serious issues, which is to some point true haha. I think what screwed the interview was when they ask me about my favourite newspaper. I just shrugged a little, and then answered The Star, and then added The Sun. I know! Thinking about it now, it was pretty embarrassing. Sad to say, I’m really not into newspapers. (Ya I know dad always say read the newspapers) So, that’s what destroyed my chances of being in Bernama. Haha. Hmm…or maybe it’s the fact that I have too many ambitions haha. Well let’s see, I want to be a producer, I want to write books someday, and open my own production house and hmmm…let’s see produce travel programs and children programs. And I’d also want to be a media buyer. In fact, after watching Hotel Rwanda, I was thinking of being a United Nations ambassador, but I just have to train myself on how to go through hardship first. Too many things to do? I guess. But I have a lifetime to do it. I hope I can do it.
But then I really hope I don’t screw another interview, especially an interview with my dream company like Jason Lo’s or 8TV or Astro.
With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;
