25 october 2008
I'm freakin' useless!
Okay...the thing is, i dunno how well u know me...but if u actually know me very well then you'd actually know how clumsy and messy i am as a person. YuP! And i always screw up! Yes! That's me...just a few hours ago...once again i messed up big time....I DROPPED MY HARDDRIVE!!!!! it's kinda new and it cost RM300!
I cant even understand myself...how can i be such a clumsy person...it's not like i dun try to becareful...but sometimes, the more careful i am, the worst case scenarios happened. but yea...today's incident was really my fault...i was letting me parents view some "cool" pics of me n me pals in Penang when suddenly i remembered the lovey-dovey pics of YY n Eugene which i haven't filter...so i just grab my laptop and pull it away from my parents' view and forgetting completely that my laptop is connected to my hard disk. the whole hard disk just fell to the hard-cold merciless floor =(....thank you. that's how it all happened and that was when i realized that. all my drama footages could be "vapourized" ....ZAP!! Gone just in that minute or rather second...the "best" part is...it happened right in front of me dad. Yep! 300 bucks just flew right out of the window right in front of him....Dad knows me well enough and he is just fed-up with me hahaha....he didnt even bothered to scold me...it's like he just give up. I am so ashamed. God!! i know!! i'm 21 but still am a kid. i still need people to take care of me and jaga my stuff. but wat can i do really?? i mean, it's not like i dont try....maybe not hard enough but really i've tried so hard to do things right. and the times when i actually did things right, no one notices. They only see my faults (which of course i admit happen quite frequently). But i am not blaming anyone but myself.
I remembered during my internship, i lost my dad's proxy card to his apartment. The first time i lost it, it was 3am in the morning and i was darn tired so ....yea..s*** happens....i got hammered by dad but was forgiven. SO the next time, i made sure that those cards were hung around my neck like the bells around the cows' neck, you know....but still i had no idea how it can just slipped out from that ring of keys right without me noticing. i search the whole Putrajaya for that darn card that day. i fret my destiny if i drive home to dad telling him tat i've lost the card for the 2nd time. This time though, dad again was fed-up. When dad is fed-up, he doesnt scold you....That's the best part...he talks very nicely to you but with that kinda "wat-do-i-do-abt-this-kid look"...which triple or multiply ur guilt level. that's when you feel so ashamed and useless - like how i'm feeling now.
mum always remind me that i'm already a big girl - 21. I understand...But i just enjoy being small and a kid. and my brain has some kinda disability. it cannot think ahead sometimes and tat makes me say stupid stuff and do silly things which messes everything up. So to everyone that i've offended or feels that i'm too idiotic...i take this chance to say i'm sorry becuz most of the times i have no idea what i'm doing and usually there are times tat i really regret wat i did or said. i will try my best to grow up and be more matured ....it's really hard but i'm still trying to upgrade my system.
but now my brain just cant stop processing the problem of my not functioning-anymore-harddrive which is now silently sitting inside my laptop bag...sigh...i only have myself to blame. Now i just hope my group members would forgive me for ruining all the footages. i think those who will be pissed would be my best friend YY (though she won't scold me, but i think she would be disappointed), Kim Fatt (who reminds me of my dad most of the time so i am very scared of him now...), Nic (because he still wants the footages and now tat it's all gone...i hv no idea wat he would say), and Lydia (she could be silently mad, i hv no idea). Eugene, whom i am most NOT AFRAID of hahahahhaha....should be okay with it. but watever it is...I AM SO SORRY GUYS!!!!!!!!!!
Hopefully when monday comes along, i'll be able to go to the headquarters and get the hard drive fixed! Hopefully the warranty is valid yea....and hopefully i can lie my way thru....sigh...GOD PLZ HELP ME....see my pitiful eyes <=.=>
i'm now not even in the mood to watch movies because of this...plus, i still have to do my thesis, which is a drag. it's tough because i dunno where to start....so i'm kinda stressed out here....
but yea....hopefully i'll live through this few days and the sun will shine brightly as ever again on my working hard drive...yay...let's look at the bright side lar...if not cannot sleep...
Besides, fife is too short to not enjoy it, especially when you're still full of life and energy...maybe next time...when i'm in the mood...i'll share with you my aunt's love story - which after hearing it, girls you just feel that you have to make sure you choose the right partner. or else, you'll end up very lonely and miserable; like you're not worthy of living anymore. I don't know why but i guess i kinda know how my aunt feels right now. But at least i still have my parents with me and my friends...plus all i hv to worry now actually is not getting a partner, but rather getting my hard drive fixed (without having to chip in cash cuz i'm broke)!! See how my brain keeps dragging that issue back to the main part of thinking system....
okay no point dwelling here anyway..
i just took some chinese herbal crap tea....which fortunately is working...and now i'm actually feeling very dizzy and therefore i think that it's time to rest. It's just tat today is really quite a terrible day becuz i had to wake up early....drive 4 hours back to Ipoh and waited at the "singshe" (is tat even a term for the chinese doctors? no idea) for like 2 hours....so my whole afternoon was spent in the clinic, adoring how cute those little children were...i think i even fell in love with on of the cute little boy there...but that's another story la.....yea..basically my whole afternoon, which i am supposed to have my beauty nap was just gone like that...i was actually reluctant to go to the clinic, but since my dad n grandma was insisting and since i'm such a 'filial' kid ;P, i just couldnt say no to them...
Okay so then i came back home, had a bath and thought yay, finally can enjoy - go online and stuff...then came the harddisk incident which completely top the chart for the most terrible incident of the day! It beat missing nic's birthday party! Sigh...life...!!$&#*Q$ totally unexpected....
Nevermind...life must go on! I will now sleep
Good nitezzzzzzz
Tammy the not-so-awesomist
