♥ BABYT'S WORLD OF CRAP ♥

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Argh... did i ever told you guys how easily jealous i can be? I guess not... i get jealous quite easily.. i guess that hv to do with me being a Leo... i don't really trust starsigns but i do read horoscopes... i mean i'm not like super superstitious or anything but i do believe that being a Leo made me this way.. i love attention and i kinda want to be the best..not in everything but in the things i want to be...
but i have really low-self esteem... unlike a Leo...haha...i akways feel that i'm not good in anything...seriously...what am i good at?? crap?? yea i guess that... i'm pretty useless in everything...i suck in sports, i'm not pretty (quite ugly in fact), i'm short, plump and immature...what else...and childish....that's why i envy girls with brains, looks, talents and all i don't have... i tried so much to feel grateful, yes i am grateful... but it's just that, there are days when just thinking about how fortunate you are don't work... like today...
sometimes you really ask GOd... why do some people have everything... why??? why is it that I lose out in almost everything...??? i was never active or popular in school...well fine...i console myself by saying that i have great friends...but then those popular girls have great friends too...
i never got a chance to learn ballet, or whatever talent i want (but i did a bit of art class) because my parents aren't rich...but OK i console myself that i have great parents and that if i actually took all those classes, my schedule would be packed...(i guess i'm lazy as well) i also tell myself that i can do that all one day when i have my own money...but i really admire and envy those who can play piano, dance and ice-skate and whatever and i can't at this young age....
my sis, always the better one...she's always on top of me... when we were young, everyone says that she's pretty and i was never the pretty one... nevermind... she was always the better one in sports.. and i can't even kick a ball... she won all the certs representing school in competitions, and eventhough i said i dun mind....sometimes i really feel like a loser... the only thing i guess i'm better than her is my addmaths and that i smile more than her...i always try to forget that she;s better than me in so many ways but i just can't....and i'm always the one who's immature, dependant and always making hasty decisions... she the calm, mature one ...WHY??!! WHY AM I SUCH A LOSER??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not only to her... to everyone out there...i dun even dare compare myself to other greater people....

why am i talking about jealousy... well i sort of went through some of my ex-classmates pictures and all of them look so pretty and matured now...and they are studying overseas...and i'm of course jealous...why am i this way?? i'm just hurting myself i know....
i'm so sad...as i'm writing this, i am actually crying... but i do believe that i will get over this ... like Yun Soo said "there's only one sad day"..... but i'm really really sad...watching Yun Soo (Eugene) is also very stressful cuz she's so pretty....sigh....

Anywayz let's talk about American Idol...it's been a while since i talked about it...YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Paris Bennett is OUT!! Katharine is in the Final 2...SHe's darn good...i guess she just have to learn to control her nervousness because when she's nervous i guess that's when she has pitch probs... i think Paula isn't too fond of Katharine... i dunno...i dun see Paula giving Kat the compliments she deserve... whatever...i really hope Kat Wins ...but actually if TAylor wins i'm ok with it but of course i REALLY REALLY prefer Katharine MCPHEE!!

My sis and I argued again...YES!!! she's sometimes a pain in the "u-know-what"... i can never give my opinion on things...whenever we watch reality shows , we will quarrel...
once...while we were watching America's Next Top Model, we argued...why?? here's why:
One of the judges, Janice Dickenson commented that a girl is short and therefore shouldn't be in the competition...
then i was like...WHAT?? how can u eliminate her just because she's the SHORTEST (she;s tall but among the others she's considered short)... u never give her a chance at all... u should judge her also by her pics right?? besides it's just the beginning of the show and you guys should evaluate her further first... and of course she's in the TOp 10...if u think her being short doesn't qualify her to be a model, then why put her in the Top 10??
well that's my opinion... and my sis is like... of course the judge is right... if you;re short, that's too bad.... WHAT?? just because you're short, then you are discriminated?? (strange hearing that come from someone as short as her) i am shorter than my sis and that's why i feel all the shorties... so i dun agree with and we just went on and on...arguing or points... no one won...whatever i still feel that i won...haha... the girl in the competition wasn't like my fave but i just feel that i hv a point... and at the end...the girl wasn't eliminated and she didn't win...cuz her pics weren;t that good...
then in the same program, but another season, we argued again about another contestant...but that one is too complicated but i win too cuz i hv backup...me n my cousin agrees that my sis's fave contestant is a b**** who is jealous of her best friend and backstab her best friend....

then it was Survivor and American Idol 4...my sis, i had no idea why she thinks Carried Underwood is better than Bo, but whatever i still think that Bo ROCKS!!! My mum too... and almost a lot of Malaysians except my sis...haha...
then today was The Apprentice...i was giving my opinion that i feel that the producers did stuff or tactics to spice up the show...like create probs and controversy among the contestants....and my sis said that Donald Trump is professional and wouldn't do all this...GOSH!! Come On.... anyone would do stuff to make their shows ratings go up...especially people who's good in BUSINESS and MONEYMAKING - Trump for instance... no offence...if Trump doesn't want to make money, he wouldn't even care to produce the Apprentice... and come on, admit it...all reality shows hv tricks....who would want to watch a reality with no controversies?? tell me??
but it's just my opinion...but my sis would never listen to other people's opinions...but others have to listen to hers...I JUST can't stand her sometimes...ARGH!!

i guess that's it for now..it' s really late.... i hv to reflect on my life before going to bed...
i shall post the next part of Save Your Last Dance for Me soon...
those who are enjoying it...A BBIG THANK YOU!!!
For those who find it annoying and too darn long.... A HUGE SORRY!!

I loVE All Of You!! MuaX!!
*sorry for having you read this...I KNOW YOU ARE GOD!!!! Thanks!
I pray for a better day, everyday!!

~LoVe TamMy~
I REALLY REALLY WANT KATHARINE TO WIN!!!
SHe's so pretty....sigh...

With Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Chris Richardson's scent from BabyT ;